EAT!!
As my black heels clicked on the cold marble floor slowly, I could only say, food will always and continue be the greatest weapon used by the enemy against humans.
Guards are down, tongues are loosed and the stomach only draws more in with each bite giving a temporary pleasure with no going back. A one way ticket to heaven I call it.
Looking at the hall before me, I realized a cold truth — I am never eating in a party again.
Watching a Nigerian live band perform gives a weird rush than Cocaine. You fear nothing and no one. You won’t even know when your feet will start moving to the beat. Food only comes to the strong and gift packages only makes it look like a prison riot. I watched at the entire show with pride and amusement. This is going to be fun.
“Aren’t you eating?” I heard. Turning towards the voice, I realized why he asked. He surely looks like he needs every plate in this hall. Saying nothing, I slid my plate to him, we should be nice when we can.
The whole wedding reception ran through like every Lagos event will be. Obsenely loud and colourfully blind. Thank God for ear plugs. The latest couple danced like there is no tomorrow — well…will there be one?
Waiting for the couple to cut the cake and be done with it, a new MC emerged and boy was she gorgeous.
I don’t easily appreciate women’s fashion sense but she was a 10. She elegantly walked to the stage and gave this knowing smile only a psychotic mother will give her erring son.
“Ladies and gentlemen. We have had fun, fun and fun. And now, it’s time for the couple with you, our dear guests to play a game.” She said. Everyone looked anxiously thinking it will be one of those shoe games.
The first thing I noticed despite the engaging movement of people is that the doors were locked. Okayyy girl! What’s going on?
“This will be a game that we will enjoy for a really long time and it is about food. I call it Eat or Spill game. We will all be served foods and if you can point out the special ingredient added to the plate placed before you, you win a reward. No peeking people. Are we ready?”
“Yes!” The crowd echoed.
“That’s not loud enough. If you really want it, when I say toast, you say eat!” The lady said with absolute joy. The crowd responded with the same vibe. I thought to myself, never has someone thought of a game that engages the mind and bellies of people participating in Nigeria.
Mysterious plates were served. Every single one of us and it was a show stopper. Even the musicians and DJ were participating and we were all mesmerized. Nigerians have this habit of breaking rules but for the first time, nobody opened the plate, not even a peek.
“Remember, all the foods are the same in quantity but whoever can tell me the special ingredient first gets the prize. Let’s take our swords — forks and dig in!”
I opened my plate and i was genuinely surprised. It wasn’t a party food at all, but it looked appetizing. I got Asaro — mashed yam porridge with vegetables and assortments of meat and fish. Okay. I didn’t eat at first. I watched as everyone pounced on the incredibly delicious meal.
When the entire guests had eaten to their satisfaction including the couple, people started guessing what that special ingredient is because it tasted great but like every other food you cook.
The MC waited for a few minutes and looked at her watch briefly.
“I have something to confess everyone. I lied. There is no special ingredient but one. Actually, these food has been randomly spiked with something — fatal. If you survive, congratulations! If not, well- we should know any second. And please, no screaming in the hallway. It will only make things worse.”
I have to say, for such a crazy announcement, the hall was weirdly quiet. Then, the hall burst into laughter and clapped.
“That’s a good one.” A man screamed. Unfortunately, he was the first to receive the prize.
His throat started to burn and before anything could be done, his flesh started to rip off like a torn dress and his neck melted like a used candle. The screams was just the beginning.
“What have you done?” A woman screamed at her with pure fury.
“Plenty if you ask me. That’s just season one. Let the games begin.”
